Being a Good Baby

It's been with a grain of salt that I've fielded the many questions asked my about my baby's development. Actually, it's only ever been two questions, which I imagine most parents hear when they have an infant:

Is she walking yet?

How does she sleep? (as in, does she sleep through the night?)

When my infant was younger, both those questions were so laughable that that's exactly what I did! But the older my baby gets, the more appropriate to her development these questions become, and now the right answers (yes to both) seem almost reflective of my parenting skills. I was lamenting to my sister about a couple we met at church who said that they had successfully employed the "cry it out" method to get their 6-month-old son to sleep through the night in his crib. They both looked so bright-eyed and alert that I knew it had to be true. My sister wisely offered the perspective that they were probably either lying or exaggerating. I love her.

But truly, it has been so interesting to see the looks on people's faces when I admit to them that I've let my baby sleep in my bed with me as a means to get more sleep. The majority of the time, reactions seem to register on a Likhert scale of 1. (pity--for being so indulgent) to 5. (horror--we're going to roll over her and kill her accidentally). I've always had to remind people that sleeping with your young baby can be far more practical than marching down the hallway two or three times a night, thus becoming much more awake and getting even less sleep.

My real question is this: Why is it that a baby's ability to sleep through the night in his or her own crib is the hallmark, the pinnacle, the zenith of being a good baby and a good parent?

Here is some perspective for you. I work with families who have children with autism. Here are some things their babies and young children often do not do:

• make prolonged, purposeful, intentional eye contact
• engage in back-and-forth social exchanges, such as smile games, peek-a-boo, bang-bang on the table
• snuggle up to mommy's face and stare into her eyes for long periods of time
• intentionally babble at mommy or daddy
• look for their parents in a large room
• demand to be given attention constantly
• show stuff to their parents

(Massive disclaimer--your child does not have autism if he or she does not do one or all of these things some of the time. Consider it a point of concern if all of these problems exist together over time…)

I am simply grateful to have a healthy, robust baby who does

all the above things and much, much more. She is the favorite at the church nursery because she spends the whole hour laughing at all the other babies. She can take over an entire room with her larger than life personality. She laughs with us and at us and is so fun to be around. Now, I can teach her to sleep in her own crib (actually, we're already there, for the most part). I can be patient while she learns to sleep through the night. But she's already a great baby, and it's not because she sleeps well. I would be quite heartbroken to see her lack in the areas above. I have happily sacrificed my sleep, knowing that my daughter is ridiculously social. I am far happier to see how social and well-developing she is than to be able to brag that I am well-rested.

So, no. She doesn't consistently sleep through the night. This is developmentally appropriate.

And, no. She doesn't walk yet. She's only 10 months old. Also developmentally appropriate.

She awesome anyway! And her mom and dad are raising her well!