An Extra Measure of Grace

The mother of Evie's new friend has said this several times now: life in Kunming seems to be afforded an extra measure of grace.  These types of platitudes tend to rub me the wrong way, except that this time, this platitude fits our lives here.

I was particularly proud of myself the other day.  I went out for a bike ride the other day and accomplished a few benchmarks that had been intimidating me: going out by myself (simultaneously wonderful and frightening), going someplace and returning without too much grief, and negotiating a few intersections.  It's amazing how basic the challenges of life can become, isn't it?  While I pedaled away, I followed my new friend's advice: pray for safety on the way out and thank God for a safe return upon journey's completion.  As I made my way through a 2-lane (or three lanes, or four, or whatever people feel like, as the case often is in China) roundabout,  I found myself asking the Holy Spirit for guidance.  And I felt Him nudging me.  I watched a bus approaching my street as I was about to cross; the bus was on the inside lane which, in the Western world would signal that he is not exiting the roundabout, but he in fact did exit the roundabout, cutting off the car behind him.  I had elected not to cross the street a moment before and was glad for that decision.  But more than that, I had felt God's presence nudging me to pause.  Thankfully I listened, right?

It got me thinking.  Why haven't I learned to live like this earlier?  Depending on God to get me through my day, that is.  Was it because I just felt so self-reliant that I never even thought about asking for help through things like roundabouts?  Probably.  I think that is part of the reason I like living in foreign countries; the experience just lays naked my, our, utter helplessness.  It is so nice to feel competent and independent, as we are so accustomed to feeling when on our home turf.  Who has to think about going to the store to buy toilet paper or pick up a few groceries?  Who wants to?  But as I am double-locking my bike at the shopping center (and I know that double-locking is really not good enough--perhaps a force field might do the trick), I really do believe the best theft prevention is to pray for that pile of metal and rubber as I leave it.  Lord, please let this thing be here when I get back.  The truth is, the reality of our lives is that we are in dire need of God's daily nudging and protection.  We are not competent or independent.  We are utterly reliant on God's provision and presence.

Helplessness also gives me a reason to ask God for more than just help.  Another wise friend of mine encouraged me to approach my time here in Kunming as an opportunity to ask God for his purpose for me.  How will you use me/what will you teach me today, Lord?  When I feel confident and competent, I do not ask God those questions because I am so convinced I already know the answers.  Being in a place in life where I need His help and I really want His purpose forces my hand to ask the questions and to be ready for the answers.  I am discovering that opening my life up to not knowing and, even more, not trying to know, God's plan probably allows Him to set His plans in motion.  We love to walk into situations and decide where we fit in and how our talents will best serve our circumstances.  But I am coming to learn that I am better used when I am not trying to be used.  Let God do the leading and be ready.  Again, it's that part about realizing that my real competence comes from giving up my competence.

I don't think the solution to this kind of pride is to move to a foreign country.  The solution is confession and repentance.  Then I think God does give an extra measure of grace; when we know we need it, we can see it when it is bestowed upon us (that must be where that whole "blessed are the poor in spirit" thing comes into play).  I think I am just grateful to be in a place in life in which the work of God is being made clear to me because that work helps me throughout my day--I need it that often.  Make our taxi driver kind, help my kid be successful on the potty today, keep us safe, make me more patient, let this person answer her phone...keep me sane! ;-)

I'm not sure if I'll get to understand why God brought us to China, but as with most grand adventures, before others get changed, the most significant change happens within.  May it be so in my life with an extra measure of grace.  As a friend of mine prays: Eyes to see, ears to hear, willingness to act.