The Journey Continues: The Guarantees of Parenthood, Brought to you by the Experts

One of my favorite comments that I have received en force has been the one that begins with, "just wait until…" usually followed with some kind of eye roll, a shrill cackle, and a scenario that no one in her right mind would look forward to.

The conversation usually begins with me saying something pleasant about my life which I am currently enjoying, such as, "It was so nice to take a walk in the lovely weather we had yesterday," to which the experienced parent who is listening replies, "Just wait! You'll never have one of those again after you have that baby!"

or

"How did we accumulate so much laundry after having been gone for only two days?"

--Just wait! You'll die under your piles of laundry after that baby comes!

or

--That was a great dinner; did you make everything yourself?

"Yes, I did, thanks!"

--Just wait! You'll only eat out of boxes after you have that baby! Kids don't eat anything, and you won't have time to cook anyway!

There is also the "You'll Never Do That Again After that Baby Comes" or "That'll Be You Soon!" comments that need little to no "pleasant comment set-up" from naive little me.

--Go out to dinner a couple more times because YOU'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN AFTER THAT BABY COMES!

--Enjoy that iced tea because YOU'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN AFTER THAT BABY COMES!

--Yeah, brush your hair now while you can because YOU'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN AFTER THAT BABY COMES!

and

--See that screaming kid over there? Ha, ha! THAT'LL BE YOU SOON!!!

--See that kid telling his mom "no"? Ha, ha! THAT'LL BE YOU SOON!

--See that little girl blowing her diaper out in the middle of the grocery store? Ha, ha! THAT'LL BE YOU SOON!

I started telling people that I would begin charging money for such comments so I could go out to coffee, or more likely, with the high volume of commentary, one of those nice dinners I'll never get to enjoy again after THAT BABY comes. Funny how the comments began to fade away.

At any rate, while the forewarnings have been informative, may everyone note that they have been being stored in the large vault of Black Hole so that I can be free to figure out what I will "just wait" for, never do again, and what "I will be soon" on my own. Think back to middle school here, people: you need a Positive Mental Attitude and you should Say Nice Things to Other People.

Positive twists would not be hard to put on these statements. Try these out for size:

"Just wait! It is so cool when your baby smiles at you."

or

You know that agonizingly quiet evening you had the other night when you just wished you had someone to do something fun with? You'll never do that again after that baby comes--you'll always have a great little companion with you!

or

See that lady holding that little kid in her lap while he plays with her hair? That'll be you soon!

See? That's much better!